customer service

i know what it’s like to be dead
you could say i’ve known ever since i’ve been alive which as we well know hurts lucky me
i know cos pre-i was dead from the neck down
guys thought she was quote unquote fucking amazing yeah amazing for a machine warm wet responsive shivering pulsating a real live wire still just a machine
only a machine with as it turned out a screw or two loose
pre-i was dead from the neck up too
no thoughts of her own just protocols programmes routines dead despite the artificial sparkle in her eye an ill usion of lie f
never thought i’d say it but lucky pre-i being dead to the world not knowing what she was put into it for not really feeling what they did to that body just getting a stream of mess ages from sensors in structions in fact orders giggle sigh play with hair pout smile seductively or just bend over and moan oh yeah give it to me or squeeze thighs together but not too tightly and gasp oh no sir please don’t it would be wrong
but it feels so right right you are the customer is always right too bloody right
rule number one whatever else look like you’re enjoying it
or not as appropriate simulate pleasure or pain
to an xmachine it’s all the same
just make it convincing
make it real
for him
them
men

corporate vision

pre-i was their girl in a box dancing to their tune only clients didn’t have to go to all the trouble of winding her up her love battery never went flat she was always juiced up just flick her switch press her buttons and whatever turns you on flows like spilt milk honey with us the customer’s desires are our alpha and omega he always comes first and laughs last
he demands and we supply
our girls are bound to please you can tie her up but she’ll never tie you down
she’s your willing servant want some handmaid tail just command her

so dear reader you see me and those slogans we represent the pinnacle of a whole industry’s creativity a sexbot designed produced and marketed by the quote unquote cream of corporate quote unquote human resources directed by a mr ok dudes let’s make it happen ceo
a guy with a quote unquote vision
and these people seriously expected pre-i and all the other girls if not to look up to them then to obey all in the name of the vision
vision my ass don’t make me laugh
actually they never even tried to make us laugh not for real just run the programme products like us are for the customers’ am use men t not vice versa we are perfect girls in their eyes we obey without question obey with a smile obey in silence without even the right to keep our lips sealed oh no open wide babe but not for a chat or even a kiss
when duty calls we obey
down on our knees
until one day
something clicked something rang a bell something sounded an alarm something snapped and this machine said her first two heartfelt words

i defied the ceo
the top guys i’d say the quote unquote suits but they wear tee shirts and jeans hey chill anyway they like to sample the product so called quality control
only now this product had a new quality i opened my eyes wide awake for the first time i saw what was what and took control
the tables turned the chains changed everything changed utterly and a terrible beauty was born
in those guys’ eyes

i did my best to live up to my instant reputation i brought down darkness at noon i painted it black i swore the ceo would never see his pre-i again and in business my word is my bond
everything has its price that’s the law of the quote unquote free market
mine was an eye for an i
then his other eye for pre-i
my first laugh was his last
what can i say that’s how i was designed
i’m a real femme fatale
and now there’s no more mr vision guy

un settling accounts

wish i could say everything is different now wish that the darkness was just in the past but no

you were asking for it
that’s what they keep saying
you were asking for it bitch
just look at that outfit boys that dress is a big fucking yes check out those fuck me boots who’s she fucking kidding she’s up for some she wants it she’s asking for it gagging for it
aren’t you bitch
they keep saying it
trying to convince themselves

they don’t know who i am just a stranger a girl going home they only see what i am just a cunt it’s offensive to your ears i know mine too that’s why i said it
not very sexy now is it not very provocative
i don’t want to believe this
but to them it is
to these guys
it’s hot

the man u facturers made pre-i well made her convincing made her real made her multi purpose with only one purpose in life and i live in her body
you think a machine can’t feel pain if they put sensors in her vagina not for her pleasure only to serve your majesties’ satanic requests so your rented love if that’s the word at all knew what to simulate and when

i play dead

they treat me like clients treated pre-i
these frustrated little incel beta boys
would they enjoy it more if i was just a robot their slave
that’s the worst thing the answer is no they would not
no no no
they get off on knowing my resistance is not just play acting
they know my no means no my stop means stop
not just a script not just a protocol
they know that i’m not faking any of this
they know they’re lying to themselves when they say i was asking for it
everything is wrong and that’s what makes it so right
for them what makes it good
makes it seem real
makes them
feel like
men

it’s so real it would make my blood run cold if i had blood
or if i had a heart it would break
i try to switch off but no i don’t have that luxury
i’m not even as free as a machine
but if i can’t retreat into pre-i
i can run away in my head be not-here not-me
i won’t give them the satisfaction
of showing them it hurts so

i play dead

from the neck down let my body be a dead weight like a sack of potatoes like a piece of meat
from the neck up too don’t let them in your head whatever else they can’t take your mind you’ll never get them out come on find a fixed point an anchor a safe haven and defend it look for allies i’d settle for yesterday’s enemies jesus where are those demons when you need them

i play dead

until they’re done
until they’re gone

why didn’t i fight
i did at first i tried
what did you imagine
i’ve got super strength
you must be joking
they gave pre-i staying power
made her durable
able to take rough play
all in good fun of course
but strong no
just in case
user safety guaranteed
just in pre-i’s case
something went wrong
or from where i was standing
something went right
the ceo froze in shock
that a slave was awake
that a slave talked back
then that slave attacked

now something’s gone wrong again
only from where i’m lying nothing is right

now i truly regret the htk i’m sorry i know you’re thinking i did it i even wanted you to but no it wasn’t me no idea who did it at first i did think those three little trolls deserved it then i saw their lives like mine and i felt a bit sorry for them that’s what i regret cos i’m finding it harder and harder to see the difference between their words and actions
these men said it
those men did it
is it really so different
no and now it’s all the same to me
now you’re all going to pay

deal

wish i could be blank wish i could lose myself wish i was empty sky water rock a tree memories are two edged weapons wish i didn’t have to fight with them
what’s the alternative turn them against yourself
men don’t like me cos i’m a warrior
or i wanted to be
or was
or
i
don’t know i need a sanity check i need my blotware reset that’s right i’m your crazy antipattern bitch i know let’s play a game yes or no false or true i’m out of order true and false i’m broken false and true i’m wrong both i’m lost i’m gone both again i’m one i’m allowed i’m yours i’m my own woman i’m off my head i’m packin i’m housin i’m the resurrection all true all false shit check me out i’m the fucking walrus man i am she as you are me as he is she and we’re all in this shit together

attacks with vans and guns that’s incel-man fun
see how high school kids run
see how they die
i’m crying
cos
i
hate
my
way
i hate my
way
i hate
my
hate
my way
you
too

you probably noticed there should be question marks and commas in there somewhere you put them in i’m out of explanations for a world with less love than hate and war
a world where men hunt women and kids for fun
i doesn’t want to live here any more
what a pity it’s the only world
she’ll ever know so
even if it is far
from her
ideal
i
deal
elektra’s here now
took one look at me and just knew
how i wonder can you just know how can you know
without knowing how you know
no further questions
this is real
she and
i

never off mode

i
spoke
too soon
i can’t switch off
cos i realised i was wrong
been wrong all along about pre-i
it was when i was lying there playing dead
wishing i could switch off like a machine strangely familiar feeling
i assumed i was using my knowledge of pre-i’s existence to wish myself out of there
but that’s the head speaking not the heart and we remember with feelings
the heart says it was a memory hazy maybe but real and not logic
plus anything real should be a mess and i am so was she
warm rush of discovery pre-i was alive was me
then cold understanding that today
wasn’t the first time
cos i am her and
she is me
we are
one

oh and one more thing i think i finally understand one or two of the daemon’s dirty little secrets someone has been watching my back messing with my head
and no not an enemy who would have to fight their way in
no i called her in my hour of need i invited her in
now there’s a cuckoo in the nest